You gave me a geranium. I said, ‘You know I’m not into salad.’ You said, ‘It’s a houseplant. Not...

Purple? Purple? When I am an old man I shall wear a hi-viz teal hoodie with a cerise...

Hello, and welcome back to Spilling Cocoa! Over the next few months I hope to...

arse I’m building an intricate mansion from an infinite stockpile of stone, and only I know where each...

None of the animals will talk to you. Your best friend is not a cricket. Your hair...

Rosemary McLeish is an outsider artist and poet. She is 72 years old and has...

Your fairy godmother hasn’t a clue. One of your sisters is wicked, but the other one’s...

He got me into trouble before the second date - a lustful, careless coupling against the garden gate. He...

The kumquat sobbed upon the shelf, A fruit somewhat benighted, Despite the verse he sent his love, His...