Dear Mr Coyote, by Simon Williams

As a valued customer with whom you have been trading
for many years, we’d like to apprise you of our latest offers.
Your regular orders for explosives, together with your
continuing requirements for drophammers, piledrivers
and the largest of our anvil models suggest you may
be involved in the metal fabrication or mining industries.
We would be pleased to service your requirements
in these undertakings, Please let us know your needs.

Yours sincerely,

ACME Manufacturing

Dear ACME Manufacturing

Do you have anything for bird control?

Yours faithfully

W E Coyote

Dear Mr Coyote

We have a wide range of netting and gels which may be
deployed to discourage all forms of avian nuisance.

Yours

Dear ACME Manufacuring

I was thinking of something more damaging.

Yours

Dear Mr Coyote,

We have a number of programmable bird scarers
and also market a remote controlled drone.

Yours

Dear ACME Manufacturing

Can the drone be fitted with a chainsaw?

Yours

Dear Mr Coyote

The kind of equipment you describe would be
outside its lift limit. Perhaps an imitation hawk
would do what you require.

Yours

Dear ACME Manufacturing

Can the imitation hawk grip a stick of Dynamite?

Yours

Dear Mr Coyote

We think it could be adapted to do this. You should
be aware of the Health and Safety implications.

Yours

Dear ACME Manufacturing

I’ll take a dozen and another of your extra large anvils.

Yours

 

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