Robert Garnham, ‘Poem’


He is wearing a lanyard
He’s obviously ever so important
He’s allowed right in to
Anyplace he pleases
The lanyard flaps
Whenever there are breezes
He. Has. Got. A. Lanyard.

He is rocking that lanyard.
It opens doors and gates.
He’s allowed right through
Different kinds of portals
You have to admit
He’s not like us mere mortals
He. Has. Got. A. Lanyard.

He looks so important in that lanyard.
Trouble is, that’s all he’s wearing.
His nakedness is stark
In all the elemental
It doesn’t take much
To check out his credentials.
He. Has. Got. A. Lanyard.

Over the years Robert has headlined at the top spoken word nights in the UK such as Bang Said the Gun in London, Evidently in Manchester, Hammer and Tongue in both Bristol and Brighton. He has won or been placed second at slams in Exeter, Wolverhampton, Edinburgh, Swindon and London, and performed at the National Slam Finals at the Albert Hall in 2018. He has recently headlined at the Duplex in New York and the King Kong Klub in Berlin. He often appears at comedy nights and has supported John Hegley, Arthur Smith and Paul Sinha.

His first collection was published in 2016 by Burning Eye Books, and a second in 2018, and he was long listed for the Saboteur Awards in the category Spoken Word Artist of the Year for three years running,p. He is currently working with the musical jazz improvisation group Croydon Tourist Office, and has narrated and appeared in two short films, ‘Professor in the Bathroom’, and ‘Beard Envy’. Robert provides workshops for adults and sixth form students in comedy poetry, and has been Poet in Residence at the Artizan Gallery in Torquay, and on the LGBT radio magazine show ‘Listen Out’ in Exeter.


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