How to have the perfect Wardrobe
Let the party dress, stiff with deodorant
marks, stay on that wire hanger
to remind you of its glory days,
and that it will never fit you again.
If you must have a cashmere piece – essentially an
overpriced cardi – then avoid hot washes at all costs.
In fact, avoid wearing it altogether.
They only look good on retired movie stars.
A classic trench coat, too warm yet not
warm enough, will look good with anything –
assuming you actually put it on.
Invest in a well-cut pair of trousers –
not those elasticated things you’re wearing now,
so you can look as bland and invisible as possible.
Stick that flowered Laura Ashley dress on eBay,
because those days have truly gone,
and you’ll need more room for that beige collection.
Have a quick guilty look at those patent leather loafers –
bought only because you could.
Followed by a swift glance at your Mother’s old
Jumpers, as you visualise her sitting there knitting.
Then slam the door quickly. And get yourself up Primark!
Heather Moulson has been performing poetry since 2016. She has featured extensively in London, and Surrey. Heather’s first pamphlet Bunty, I miss you was published in 2019. Her work is mainly hankering for a certain era, and lifestyle tips. Heather lives in Twickenham with a stroppy black cat.