The Anaconda by Keith Welch

If I had an anaconda
I’ll tell you what I’d do
I’d rent a brand new Honda
and to Disneyland we’d go
at the ticket booth the
man would holler

what you got there son?

I’d produce
the anaconda and point it
like a gun, saying

gimme all your tickets man! Today is free for all!

And he’d gimme all the
tickets and go climbing up a wall
’cause no one wants to
fight an anaconda which constricts
then I’d give out all the tickets to
the spoiled little pricks
But I won’t go to Disneyland
not even with a snake
’cause all the talking animals
give me a belly ache
I’d take the anaconda to the
swamps he loves the best
where he can hunt the nutria
the rats and all the rest
You really can’t go wrong
with a constrictor as a friend
he’s the best of company
from snout to tail-end.

Keith Welch lives and works in Bloomington, Indiana. His work has been published exactly once, possibly in error.