SIX CORNISH LIMERICKS
There was a young man from Penzance
Whose chances of finding romance
Would have risen to ‘small’
Up from ‘no chance at all’
Had he thought about changing his pants.
There was an old biker from Newquay
Whose ways grew increasingly kooky.
He would ride up and down
All the streets in the town
In the nude, on his vintage Suzuki.
A grizzled old fisher from Newlyn
Wore a hat that he thought he looked cool in,
But which all of his crew
And the townspeople too
Thought he looked like a silly old fool in.
A foolish young man from Porthcurno
Thought drinking a bottle of Pernod
With a lamb vindaloo
Was a cool thing to do.
Now his guts are a raging inferno.
When a Methodist girl from Penryn
Heard that alcohol use was a sin,
She decided she oughta
Drink nothing but water;
The tonic sort, topped up with gin.
When a careless old man from Lamorna
Came out fully unclothed from the sauna,
Then the sight of his bits
Had his neighbours in fits
And upset all the neighbourhood fauna.
Mark Totterdell’s poems have appeared widely in magazines. His collections are This Patter of Traces (Oversteps Books, 2014), Mapping (Indigo Dreams Publishing, 2018) and Mollusc (The High Window Press, 2021).